


From: Control

by saya4haji



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, F/F, Gift Fic, Injury, Rape Aftermath, fic of a fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:01:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26073079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saya4haji/pseuds/saya4haji
Summary: A gift fic for TheLazyBam who wrote the most complex, sadly real, angsty and painful RedK story I have ever read.A retelling of her chapter 2 of Control from Alex's Point of view as a gift to say thank you.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 9
Kudos: 106





	From: Control

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheLazyBam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLazyBam/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Control](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23790358) by [TheLazyBam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLazyBam/pseuds/TheLazyBam). 



> This is a fic of a fic and most of the words are TheLazyBam's. To understand this oneshot you have to read at least Chapter 1 and 2 of TheLazybam's story 'Control' first. So, go do that!   
>  I rewrote a section of her story from chapter 2 from Alex's point of view to explore her character and perspective of the events in TheLazyBams story. All credit goes first to TheLazyBam.

Alex is slugging her way through reports and papers on PTSD, sexual assault, trauma and everything else she can find to help her make sense of the oncoming storm from the events of the last 72 hours. The room is lit dimly, and Lena’s broken form is visible under muted fluorescent lights through the one-way mirror opposite her. Alex has made this observation room her second home since Lena was stabilised.

At first, Alex had tried to work in the room opposite Kara’s holding cell, but watching her sister’s lifeless eyes had almost broken something inside Alex. No matter what Alex said, no matter what platitudes she offered: Kara refused to respond. After Kara had woken up in medical, purged of the RedK by whatever magic serum Lena had created, Kara had cried hysterically for hours. Cried is too tame a word, she had been inconsolable, broken. Alex shies away from the memory of Kara’s, she pushes them into the mental box beside the echoing memory wails of 13 year old Kara awakening from nightmare where Krypton burned and exploded again. Alex had been considering using a Kryptonite syringe to inject a sedative into her sister to prevent her from hyperventilating in the med bay when suddenly she had gone deathly silent. She had asked in a broken whisper if Lena was still alive and when confirmation was given she flew herself straight to the containment cell where she still remains. Silence seems to be Kara’s preferred companion right now. Kara refuses to eat, refuses to speak, refuses even to move most of the time. Her usually proud sister, remains curled in the containment cell like the wounded animal she resembled when she first arrived in Midvale at 13. A broken Supergirl doll in the corner of a containment cell, her blue eyes hollow.

Alex feels powerless. She feels empty.

Lena’s heart monitor suddenly spikes in the background. The low beeping becoming frantic and a quiet moan echoes through the room.

Alex dashes to her feet and with a brief glance through the one-way mirror she can see Lena’s right hand vaguely swatting to the side of her bed and her eyes cringing against the lights of the room.

All the air in Alex’s lungs rushes out as she hurries towards the door to Lena’s room.

The electronic door opens and closes with a hiss. Alex halts at the side of Lena’s bed and gulps at the sight of the youngest Luthor. Lena has always seemed larger than life, powerful and controlled. Here in this hospital bed though, Alex can’t help but reflect how small and young Lena looks. She barley takes up half the bed. Her throat is a collar of black, blue and purple bruises in the distressingly familiar shape of Kara’s hands. Splints encase her arms, bandages wrap almost every inch of her too pale skin and butterfly stitches hold together the deep split in her plump top lip.

Alex lowers her voice to a tone reserved for comforting Kara, “Hey. Hey, Lena, try not to move so much,” she coos.

Lena looks up groggily and confused at Alex. Her eyes swim with pain and the shadows of half remembered nightmares.

“Alex? Where am I? What’s—“ she looks around herself in confusion. Alex’s hand hovers over’s Lena’s arm, afraid to touch her. A lot of the literature says sudden or unexpected touch could cause flashbacks or instinctual responses of fight or flight. The last thing Alex wants is to cause Lena more pain.

Before Alex can decide what to do, Lena’s eyes widen in alarm and panic as memories flood to the surface, “Oh God. Alex. I’m so sorry. Will you—will you let Kara know that I’m sorry? Plea—”

Alex swallows a sudden rush of bile at Lena’s words. Alex’s mind spins and races. The horror of Lena wanting Kara to know **_she_** is sorry is too much. Alex knows RedK Kara can be monstrous, but what brutality has she inflicted on the powerful Luthor that Lena thinks she has to apologise to her rapist? What cruel twisting of Lena’s mind has all the pain caused?

Alex’s mouth goes dry as she struggles to find words. What does she say to Kara’s victim? Will Lena even want her here? How does she tell Lena she owes no-one an apology…if anyone owes an apology it is Alex who should be apologising. She is in charge of the DEO. It was her responsibility to keep Kara safe and to manage the DEO’s assets. It was her fault Kara was exposed to RedK. It was her fault Kara was compromised, her fault they failed to find Kara before she had assaulted and abused Lena.

Alex’s hands flutters over Lena and she tries to speak, “Hey. Hey. Lena…”

Alex takes a deep breath to centre herself. Lena is like her, a scientist and a rationalist. She will want facts and hard truths. When in doubt, fall back on hard truths.

Alex lowers her voice to a comforting and soft timbre, “First things first. You are in the DEO Medbay, but we moved you to a more private room. You’ve been out for a couple of days but Sam and Jess have been informed on a need-to-know basis. Sam has temporarily taken over in your absence. We weren’t quite sure about the extent of what you want to disclose with them so we took the liberty of erring on the side of caution until you decide for yourself. Second, Kara is fine. Whatever it was that you used on her flushed out the Red Kryptonite on her system faster than anything we have here.” Alex pauses as her natural suspicion and scientific curiosity rises before adding, “I have several questions about that, but we can discuss it when you’re at one hundred percent.”

Alex winces at how suspicious that sounds. She is genuinely curious, but her words could be taken as an accusation.

Alex breathes a sigh of relief when instead of Lena’s eyes narrowing in automatic anger and defence, she merely nods.

Lena’s eyes flicker from side to side in thought and then become distant as she seems to take stock of her body. Alex waits patiently for her inventory to end.

Lena nods minutely to herself before she focuses on the machines to her side.

“Morphine?” Lena asks as she opens and closes her left hand where a tube is connected to a morphine pump above her headboard.

Alex suppresses her flinch as the image of Lena mewling and moaning in agony flashes across her minds eye: Kara lying crumpled at the side of Lena’s bed and Lena herself, a patchwork of bruises and a rainbow of contusions as she cried silently. When they had tried to move Lena to a stretcher, she had given out a muted shriek of agony which had only subsided when Alex had pushed the morphine until Lena lost consciousness.

Alex drags herself back to Lena’s question with a definite nod, “We had to. You were in so much pain, we could barely move you. There’s a switch behind you so you can adjust the amount as soon as the effects wear off.”

Lena drags in a guttural breath, “When was the last time I was given a dose?”

Alex’s eyes narrow in suspicion at Lena’s question but she glances at the digital timer attached to the morphine driver above the headboard and answers automatically, “About four hours ago.”

Lena’s next words stop Alex cold as she reaches for Lena’s chart, “Then remove it. I don’t want it.”

Alex can feel her heart rate spike in panic. Lena’s can’t be serious? “Lena, your body is in pain and it needs to recover—“

“Don’t make me call my lawyers, Alex.” Lena interrupts evenly and with her trademark Luthor mask. The threatening affect is somewhat diminished by her pale and sickly complexion, the garish bruising and the split in her lip that pulls as she tries to give Alex her flat stare.

Alex weighs her options. The literature on PTSD and rape recovery talks a lot about regaining control and Alex smothers her kneejerk reaction to refuse Lena. To force the medication on her out of a misguided need to protect this woman whom her sister loves and whose recovery may dictate hers. Alex sighs in resignation and seeks to prevaricate, “Okay. I’ll get the doctor in charge of you. I’ll be back in five.”

“Alex?” Lena calls out, stopping Alex in her tracks. Alex turns back to see Lena’s pleading face, “Will you please wind down the AC to as low as it can go?”

Alex frowns. Her mouth opens and shuts as she tries to make sense of this new request. The insidious thought that Lena wants the room cooler because it will be the sensory counterpoint to Kara’s alien hot body temperature materialises in her thoughts before she can stop it. The thought turns Alex’s stomach. She fiddles with the AC panel near the door to distract herself from her speculation. She nods stiffly when she sees Lena visibly untense and whisper a small “Thank you.” Alex hates that Lena sounds so tiny and fragile as she thanks Alex for such an inconsequential act.

Alex strides back into Lena’s room about twenty minutes later, “Jesus, Lena. It’s like the freaking Antarctic in here.”

Fearing that Lena will catch a cold Alex spins to tinker with the AC panel, but her actions are pulled up short by Lena’s sudden desperate and scared voice, “No, Alex. Please.”

The words are a desperate cry and sound overused. Alex can’t help but wonder how often they were said seventy two hours ago as Kara-

Alex kills the thought and turns to argue with Lena about the optimum temperature for the human body to heal.

Before Alex can comment Dr. Taja Cunningham floats into the room with her usual poise and confidence. “I don’t mind it,” Taja airily declares.

“Right. Fine,” Alex says resignedly and moves out of the way and towards Lena’s bed.

Alex catches Lena’s cautious appraisal of the doctor and pre-empts her next question. She begins introductions, “Lena, this is Dr. Taja Cunningham. She is our Chief Medical Officer and in charge of your recovery.”

Lena nods, her jade green eyes piercing in their intensity as they judge and weigh Dr. Cunningham.

“Don’t take this the wrong way Dr. Cunningham, but aren’t you a little too young to be the DEO Chief Medical Officer?” Lena asks, her expression neutral.

Alex leans against the bed as she watches the two intelligent women observe each other like tigers judging rivals, “Please, call me Taja.” Dr Cunningham says, “And yes, I always get that. Can I say that ‘I look young for my age’ and leave it at that? There’s also that I’m a child prodigy, which I’m sure you can relate to, what with you being a CEO at twenty-five and what? Four unrelated PHD’s at twenty-four?”

Alex can’t help the sudden lightness in her chest when Lena rolls her eyes and scoffs but concedes. “Touché.”

Much to Alex’s confusion, Taja smiles as though some unspoken agreement between herself and Lena has been reached.

“So, Alex tells me you want the morphine drip gone?”Taja asks lightly as though the very idea is not insane to Alex.

“Please,” Lena responds with a nod and absolutely no hesitation.

Taja takes a second to consider and Alex slumps momentarily at her hesitation, thinking sanity has returned.

“And you are aware that this is against medical advice?”

“Yes,” Lena replies determinedly.

“Very well,” Taja taps at the heavy-looking tablet she was cradling and presents it and an electronic pen to Lena. In due consideration, she does not handover the tablet, but supports it as Lena reads the file in front of her before signing.

Alex is too stunned by Taja giving into Lena’s insane request so easily to protest as she immediately sets the tablet aside and begins tinkering with the IV.

“So, let me have it, Doc. How bad is it?” Lena asks with vague hints of humour before Alex has time to scramble her wits together again.

Taja hums as though they are discussing the weather and not the devastating injuries that lie beneath Lena’s hospital sheets and numerous gauze bandages.

“I’ll send you your updated file in a bit, but the short of it: Hairline fractures all over, but a lot of it on your pelvis, ribs and thigh bones.” Taja begins. Alex feels all the blood rush to her head. She glances quickly to Lena whose face shows no reaction to Taja’s laundry list of injuries. Lena’s face may as well be carved from ice.

Alex’s mind repeats Taja’s words as her own medical background conjures up facts and figures about the forces required to fracture bones and possible estimated recovery times. The location of the injuries makes her feel nauseous as Alex’s mind skitters away from the mental images of just how Lena would have received those pelvic and rib fractures from Kara…Kara, her sweet, broken sister. 

Taja continues, unrelenting and seemingly unaware of Alex’s growing distress, “Your left shoulder was dislocated when you came in. A lot of deep bruising too but notably on your wrists, pelvic region, and chest.”

Alex swallows convulsively as she feels her stomach rebel and the metallic taste of nausea sours her gums. These things happened to Lena. Lena endured them. Lena lived through them. The least Alex can do is listen to what Kara did to Lena. The least Alex can do is listen to the injuries Lena received because of Alex’s own incompetence as the Director of the DEO. It was her fault Kara was infected, her fault Lena was battered, bruised and raped. Her fault. Alex admits her own cowardice in this matter too. Lena was clothed in soft sweats when they found her, and Alex had abdicated her care to Taja when they arrived back at the DEO. She had visited Lena when Kara was stable but had avoided even a glimpse of her chart and the extensive list of her injuries. She knew they were bad. A person didn’t scream and whimper in pain as Lena had when they found her on that bed unless they were grievously injured. Alex had always found an excuse though to escape the room when Lena was being examined, to focus on her files when doctors shuffled into the observation room or to suddenly need to check on Kara when her hand would stray too close to picking up Lena’s chart and seeing her injuries in black and white. The reality of Taja’s words are like blows. Every act of tenderness and love that Alex can imagine RedK Kara has seemingly despoiled and perverted. The ring of bruises across Lena’s neck shaped like her sisters hands and Taja’s descriptions of bruising to her pelvic region and chest make shadowy images and possibilities dance in the darkest part of Alex’s mind, but before they can take shape she forces them back. The hazy, sickening images cannot form properly because they cannot seem to coexist in Alex’s mind with the sunshine image of her sister.

Alex breathes slowly through her nose, calling on her training to steady herself, but Taja swings the final hammer blow that drives the last nail into the coffin, “At least your windpipe isn’t crushed despite how your neck looks right now. And then, of course, there’s severe micro-tears on—“

Lena interrupts Taja before she can finish, “Careful, Taja. Alex looks like she’s about to pass out.”

Alex hates herself for her weakness and for the fact that Lena Luthor, for all her injuries and pain, is the one protecting Alex right now. Lena offers her usual wry smirk, but it does nothing to lessen Alex’s self-hatred. Lena may have cut Taja off but Alex knows the intimate tearing that was being alluded to and a hollow empty feeling settles in her stomach. It suddenly feels too real, too cruel and far too painful. Alex knows all the colour has drained from her face, she knows she is paler than even Lena herself.

A small part of Alex envies Lena her control and the strength she seemingly has to endure what she has and then relive it in a litany of emotionlessly listed injuries without flinching.

Taja turns around to check on Alex briefly but Alex cannot even muster a glare for her fellow doctor.

Taja turns back to Lena with barely a pause before continuing and Alex wants to throttle her, to beg for a moment to catch her breath.

“Also, I am obliged to inform you that you are free to seek private care outside of the DEO, of course. But I would insist that you stay here so I can monitor your recovery personally. It’s also a little bit less of a hassle to explain to the next doctor who will take care of you, in case you do opt to move to your facility of choice, how all of this—“she gestures at Lena, “—happened. Don’t you think?”

Alex wants to jump in and protest Lena leaving the DEO but realises that giving her choices and some sense of power is key to her recovery. Thank Rao for those articles Alex read or else she would have blundered on and thrown around DEO secrecy laws to demand Lena stay put the moment Taja made that suggestion

Lena seems to watch Alex warily from the corner of her eye but dismisses the suggestion by firing another tangential enquiry at Taja, “Estimated recovery period?”

Taja smothers a cringe at the most hated patient question and bobbles her head left and right in thought, “Physically? Six to eight weeks. Although, I would personally insist on getting the full eight weeks.”

Alex barely supresses a snort. It seems Taja has already guessed how head strong Lena is. It will be a fight to keep Lena away from work for that long, but it will be a good fight. Alex at least can do that.

Alex understands and hears the rest that the good doctor doesn’t say too though. Lena’s recovery may take eight weeks physically but mentally? Psychologically? A lifetime. Perhaps. If they are lucky. Alex shudders at the thought and thanks Rao for the cool AC which makes it look like she is merely cold.

Those are issues for later, for now though Alex has to deal with the issues before her,“Taja is it really wise for Lena to go off the morphine?”

Lena glances at her left hand where Taja removed the morphine IV and her eyes widen fractionally at seeing it already removed. Alex only notices the flicker of surprise because she has spent years watching the youngest Luthor. Is Lena surprised Taja has complied with her request? Or is she in pain and regretting her decision?

Lena trains her eyes back at Taja and the plastic tube neatly wrapped around Taja’s hand. Alex has the sneaking suspicion that Taja’s removal of the IV had gone unnoticed by Lena amidst their conversation and that lack of cognizance worries Alex even more.

Taja dismisses Alex’s worries, “That’s really up to Lena, Alex. And as far as I can see, she has a very high tolerance for pain. Right now, the effects of the morphine should be gone or at least receding and the pain shouldn’t even allow her to be coherent enough to talk to us, yet here we are.”

Taja’s words are not as reassuring as Alex thinks they were intended. The idea that Lena is in so much pain that she should be unable to talk is horrifying. The fact she has been holding an intelligent conversation makes her respect and her worry for the youngest Luthor rise exponentially. What sort of life gives a twenty something woman the pain tolerance of a special operations professional?

Alex nods hesitantly.

“And Kara?” Lena asks out of the blue.

Alex stills at the question. Every muscle in her body freezing and her mind on high alert. What is Lena asking? She knows Kara would be unharmed physically. Is she asking how she is being held? Is she asking after her mental state? Should Alex even tell her? Would it not be traumatising to even have to think about the person who did this to Lena?

Before Alex can form a reply Taja interrupts. Being the DEO MD for both patients is professionally awkward for Taja and she naturally falls back onto protocol to escape this situation,

“Unfortunately, I cannot discuss the conditions of another patient with you, Lena, as I’m sure you’re aware. So, if you have no more questions for me, I’ll leave you two to talk.”

Taja does not wait for Lena to respond but gathers her things and glides out of the room silently, leaving Alex alone with Lena and her questions.

“I want to see her, Alex.” Lena says firmly as soon as the automatic door closes.

Alex manages to suppress her flinch. Of all the things Lena could ask her for, seeing Kara is not something Alex is prepared for. Letting a victim confront their rapist, no matter how innocent they are due to extenuating circumstances or chemically induced personality disorder, it strikes Alex as a bad idea.

Moreover, while Lena might be ready to see Kara, the reverse is definitely not true. Kara is a broken thing at the moment and seeing Lena does not sound like a good idea. As much as Alex wants to give Lena whatever she needs to heal, Kara is her sister and she can’t help but want to protect her. Kara may have been the instrument of harm, and to some logic she should be the one to bend to Lena’s needs now to help her heal but the cost seems too high to Alex. 

Hesitantly she tries to explain to Lena in a way that doesn’t sound condescending, “I don’t think that’s a good idea, right now. I mean, physically, Kara is fine. But she is devastated, inconsolable, and angry at herself. She hasn’t spoken to any of us except to ask about your condition. She refuses to eat, she hasn’t slept at all since waking up. I’m afraid that if she sees you in this condition—“

As Alex explains Kara’s condition something like worry and panic crosses Lena’s face and is gone again in the blink of an eye.

Lena cuts Alex off mid explanation, “Then let her know I’m fine, Alex. Let her know that I don’t hold any of this against her. That I don’t blame her. That there’s nothing to forgive because none of this is her fault.”

Alex wants to scoop Lena’s broken form into a hug as she struggles for words and silent tears begin leaking from her emerald eyes that look impossibly bigger when coated with tears. Lena shudders to draw breath as she brokenly whispers, “Tell her I miss my best friend.”

Alex can feel her own throat closing and tears welling in her eyes. What did the world do to deserve Lena Luthor? Broken and battered she still calls Kara her friend? When Kara had broken Alex’s arm it had taken her a while to go through the logical leaps to forgive her sister, but what Lena has endured is magnitudes worse. Yet still she forgives. Still she selflessly puts Kara first.

Alex can’t fathom this kind of response, this selfless care.

Lena must still be in shock Alex reasons quietly in her mind. That is the only possible explanation for Lena to think she is ‘fine.’ The only way she could possibly not blame Kara in some small way for raping and torturing her. It is not humanely possible to forgive this quickly, to set aside this much trauma. Alex’s research papers say so.

Lena must be in shock, or maybe she has blocked out what happened. Maybe a concussion? Lena needs someone to talk to, to help her make sense of the magnitude of what she has endured. Alex struggles for words to suggest just that, “Lena…I don’t think that’s—maybe if we first talk to a psyc—"

Lena cuts Alex off again. This time her face is flushed and her body stiff as rage visibly rises up her body and reddens her sallow cheeks. Lena’s voice vibrates with strength and suppressed venom, “I know what I need to process, Alex. I don’t need another doctor to tell me the value or validity of my feelings, or how I should feel. I was there. I experienced every excruciating moment of it. I did not pass out nor did I go into some headspace where it looks like I’m watching myself being brutally manhandled by an infected Kryptonian. My memory will not allow me to forget every single painful moment of it. So spare me the psychobabble and tell Kara that I do not and will never blame her for a single second of it, and that her best friend is here if she wants to talk.”

Alex gapes. The reminder that Lena has eidetic memory feels like a punch to the gut. No matter what happens, Lena will never forget what Kara did to her. Never. Alex had overlooked that detail. She will always remember it, in vivid and painful detail.

Alex had felt a small glimmer of hope from reading some of the papers that Lena may have blocked out the memory or had an out of body experience to distance herself from the trauma and ease her recovery, but that hope is now thoroughly dashed. A small voice in the back of Alex’s mind whispers that Lena is in the anger stage of recovery and sudden mood changes are perfectly natural for a person recovering from trauma.

The fact remains that Alex has noticed Lena is yet to call what Kara did rape, or torture, or even sexual assault. It is like Lena is consciously performing mental and linguistic gymnastics to avoid the reality of what has been done to her. Alex can sort of understand that, but she fears what will happen when someone finally calls the sky blue. Will it fall down on them all?

Alex nods mutely to acknowledge Lena’s words and because she can’t think of a damn thing to say. No comforting cliché, no counter argument that she’s sure Lena will tear apart and will enrage her more.

* * *

The story continues in 'Control' by TheLazyBam.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? Go read and comment on 'Control' by TheLazyBam.


End file.
